Wish I was born 20 years earlier...

I know our parents always think we have it easier than they did, but I actually think they had it easier. In a lot of ways... I would kill to live in a more simple time. A time where "things" didn't cost so much *and* there wasn't a need for so many "things". I would give up my Blackberry and my laptop but some good old chatting with the neighbors over coffee. To be in a time where everyone wasn't so rushed and overbooked. I have to book my weekends weeks and even months in advance. I would give up working in a second... Not because I didn't want to work but because I needed to stay home with the kids. In a time where Moms didn't need to work to get by. 

Most of our parents got married young so they learned to live without a lot of "things". I think that is one drawback to getting married in our later twenties and thirties. We are on our own for so long we get used to living a certain way. We are able to afford a lot of "things" that we couldn't necessarily afford once the kids come.

I definitely wished we did things a little differently when Marc and I first met. I wished I encouraged him to go back to school when I did. He would be that much closer to having a stable job. But who couldn't have predicted the downfall of the economy and the casinos. Just 18 months ago there were 4-5 more casinos in the works, AC looked so promising. Marc was making a ton of money for doing a relatively easy job. Then the economy took a nose dive. Now there is only 1 casino being built and it is taking a lot longer than planned. 

I wish we learned to live with "less" before all of this happened. Who really needs two car payments? Who needs to eat out all the time? You get the picture.

I never thought at the age of 30 that my life would be so uncertain. I never thought that a year ago. A year ago, I never thought of leaving NJ... I never thought I would be the one with the stable job... I never thought Marc would be the primary caregiver after Abby was born... 

I am so tired and worn down. It is SO hard being a "so-called" single Mom. I have barely seen Marc all summer. When he is home I am try to spend time with him but I also take advantage of being able to get some stuff done that is very hard with 2 small kids. But even most single Moms get a break when the other parent takes the kid(s).  I don't know how society expects us working moms to do it all. We can't, it is impossible if you want to sleep at all. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, appointments, food shopping, yard work, taking care of the kids AND working 40 hours a week! I am exhausted just writing it. 

But it is just the frustration and exhaustion talking... It has just been a rough day. Chase was being so difficult on top of trying to potty train him. He is so stubborn, it kills me...

Well hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Church in the morning...