So it is another Friday night! YAY! I think this is the only time I have to write or even think straight! Both kids are in bed... for now! Three day weekend ahead! We are taking Chase to see "Walking with the Dinosaurs". It is this big cool spectacular! Google it if you don't know what it is. We are dropping Abby off at one of our friends houses so Marc, Chase and I can spend some time together. Plus Abby will definitely be scared. I just hope Chase isn't. Now I have to figure out something to do with Abby by ourselves. Maybe shopping! :) The outlets around here are having a big sidewalk sale. I think I will go Monday and see if I can find some work clothes.

I haven't been clothes shopping for myself in so long! Everything I buy is for the kids and Marc. I don't need much, just a few new fall items. And some new shoes of course! :) 

Onward and upward- trying to think positive again! :) 

Weary...

Well it doesn't look like Marc is going to get that promotion... It isn't official but he talked to one of the pit bosses who said there doesn't look like there will by any promotions any time soon... i just don't know what is next... I am getting weary and tired from the stress of it all. Marc has to go back to school to learn something new- weather it be a trade or something else. But what to do at 35 years old... Sad...

Well a looong week behind us. A week filled with continuing potty training and Abby being sick. I am so tired and weary. I wish I could say I could get some rest this weekend but Marc is working another 32 hours between now and Sunday night. Ugh.  At least tonight I am just going to sit on the couch and day dream of winning the Mega Millions tonight! :) Don't worry I will share...

Trying to get cleaning done tomorrow b/c if it is nice on Sunday we are going to the beach. I invited some family and friends down for a last beach day. School starts in the next week around here so summer is basically over at Labor Day. Which I am looking forward to!! :) Our town clears out and it is nice and calm again. We can go out to a restaurant without a reservation and a long wait... the traffic will be gone and lots of room on the beach... parking spaces will be available... and oh yeah, the weather and water are still warm! 

Oh and HI! From Chase! Isn't he the cutest?!?!

Operation Potty Train was a success!!!!!

Well this has had to be one of the most difficult weekend ever but it was successful! Chase now pees in the potty! He actually asks to go! I think he just had to realize he could do it. Not pooping is a whole other story but I am so happy with our small victories. The true test is tomorrow- I am at work & Chase is in daycare in the morning and Daddy in the afternoon. I think daycare will keep up with it, just not sure if Daddy will. I haven't bought him pull-ups in a long time b/c they were not doing the trick and they are expensive.  So tomorrow I will have to send him in a diaper til I can pick some up. I hope he doesn't get lazy b/c he has one on. Hopefully this is the start of getting rid of diapers. Figures I just bought a 150 count box of diapers for him. Luckily I haven't opened them up yet!

**SIDE NOTE**- I want to spice up my blog. Can anyone help me find good templates?

Birthday Party Debate

Wow I had no idea so many people had opinions on birthday parties. I posted on FB the other day that I am conflicted about the kids' birthday parties. Chase and Abby are born 5 days apart. Of course I have to have a first birthday party for Abby with our friends and families. With Chase, I feel that is not totally necessary. A small party at Chuckee Cheese with his daycare friends would be totally fine. Abby's I would just have a the house.

 If I decided to have them together then I would rent out a room at our local JCC (Jewish Community Center). They set everything up for you and have themed parties. I could do "baby likes to boogie". That would be perfect for both of them. 

Well I got a LOT of opinions from people on FB, work and family... It seems everyone has a strong feeling about it one way or another- even as far as saying Chase doesn't need a b-day party at all or Abby doesn't need one since she won't remember it... Well both of those options are not being considered. I will always have parties for them- even if it is just family and cake.

The more I think about it, the more I am leaning towards having a joint party. I just have to make sure the JCC has a room available in November. 

 The thing is I am so jaded about throwing parties- we have done a lot between birthday parties to a retirement party for my Dad. People are SO bad with RSVPing and even when they do there are those who still don't show. Ex.- my 30th bday in June. Marc threw me a party- we had about 40 people say they are coming. 22 didn't show up! NO LIE! 22 freakin people. Of course everyone had their own excuse- some valid, some definitely not. But I digress... The thing is I take it personally. I know I shouldn't but I do. And I used to think it was just our friends but I know so many people that struggle with the lack of RSVPing. I think it is a lack of respect and no consideration for others. Each person thinks "Oh it is just me, what does it make a difference if 1 person doesn't show..." Well it does when you spend a lot of money on food and most of it doesn't get eaten. So these hurt feelings is what leads me to only want to have one party- just one event to worry about people RSVPing. After this year the kids will just have parties with their friends. If their friends don't show, it will be one less kid I will have to pay for at whatever venue we choose...

Retrospective...

I was just reading back my posts and realized I must sound so depressed. In reality I really don't act it, if I am. For those who don't know me IRL, I am an upbeat, happy person. I always try to stay positive and think about what God might have in store for me. I guess the blog has become an outlet for my hidden thoughts. I think it has been therapeutic  to write it all down. I just think it has been a VERY long year...

Wish I was born 20 years earlier...

I know our parents always think we have it easier than they did, but I actually think they had it easier. In a lot of ways... I would kill to live in a more simple time. A time where "things" didn't cost so much *and* there wasn't a need for so many "things". I would give up my Blackberry and my laptop but some good old chatting with the neighbors over coffee. To be in a time where everyone wasn't so rushed and overbooked. I have to book my weekends weeks and even months in advance. I would give up working in a second... Not because I didn't want to work but because I needed to stay home with the kids. In a time where Moms didn't need to work to get by. 

Most of our parents got married young so they learned to live without a lot of "things". I think that is one drawback to getting married in our later twenties and thirties. We are on our own for so long we get used to living a certain way. We are able to afford a lot of "things" that we couldn't necessarily afford once the kids come.

I definitely wished we did things a little differently when Marc and I first met. I wished I encouraged him to go back to school when I did. He would be that much closer to having a stable job. But who couldn't have predicted the downfall of the economy and the casinos. Just 18 months ago there were 4-5 more casinos in the works, AC looked so promising. Marc was making a ton of money for doing a relatively easy job. Then the economy took a nose dive. Now there is only 1 casino being built and it is taking a lot longer than planned. 

I wish we learned to live with "less" before all of this happened. Who really needs two car payments? Who needs to eat out all the time? You get the picture.

I never thought at the age of 30 that my life would be so uncertain. I never thought that a year ago. A year ago, I never thought of leaving NJ... I never thought I would be the one with the stable job... I never thought Marc would be the primary caregiver after Abby was born... 

I am so tired and worn down. It is SO hard being a "so-called" single Mom. I have barely seen Marc all summer. When he is home I am try to spend time with him but I also take advantage of being able to get some stuff done that is very hard with 2 small kids. But even most single Moms get a break when the other parent takes the kid(s).  I don't know how society expects us working moms to do it all. We can't, it is impossible if you want to sleep at all. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, appointments, food shopping, yard work, taking care of the kids AND working 40 hours a week! I am exhausted just writing it. 

But it is just the frustration and exhaustion talking... It has just been a rough day. Chase was being so difficult on top of trying to potty train him. He is so stubborn, it kills me...

Well hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Church in the morning...